There are those times when things happen so swiftly and unexpectedly that balance is lost, regained, tipped again and finally retrieved.  There was a sudden death and a joyous wedding and within one week I flew to the East Coast to sift through my sister’s belongings and then to Hawaii to celebrate in the sun.  When I returned to California I launched back into work and friendships and life without allowing myself time to rest.

But this week I realized that sometimes it’s all right to forget about obligation and promises to others.  Sometimes it’s all right to relinquish urgency and to set aside – at least temporarily – the goals and plans and lists.  At the end of the day, does any of it matter?

My sister and I were not close and that has made her passing more difficult.  We sucked at being siblings and I fell short in my immediate care for her memory after she died.  I don’t want to turn her into a martyr.  She was an angry and bitter woman.  I think it’s possible she had a right to be.  There’s nothing I can do about the abuse she accepted and the hurt she caused.  All I can do is tell her story.

Maybe I will.

The world is full of beautiful and dark and amazing chaos.  And then there are flowers:

 

Advertisements